🍪 Analyxyz: Nintendo’s Stock, Patents, and the Price of Losing the Plot

Hello there investors, disappointed dreamers. Today we look at Nintendo’s latest moves — from stock rollercoasters to patent trolling, encrypted ports, overpriced Pokémon, and even Metroid Prime 4 losing its soul. It’s not just one bad headline. It’s a pattern.


📉 Stock Market Hype vs Reality

Nintendo’s shares hit all-time highs this summer, fueled by the Switch 2 launch and 6 million units sold in 7 weeks. Twitter personalities like Stealth40k amplified every uptick, framing it as proof of unstoppable confidence. But zoom out, and the story isn’t as clean:

  • By mid-September, shares suffered their steepest four-day drop in six months, right after a hyped Nintendo Direct revealed… Kirby Air Rider.

  • Analyst Alicia Ree downgraded Nintendo’s stock from outperform to neutral, citing overblown expectations of 15M first-year sales.

  • Amazon’s “bestseller” charts — waved around by fans as proof of dominance — are algorithmic and weighted by recency, not true volume. A couple thousand pre-orders can leapfrog Mario Galaxy to the top of the list.

🦊 Kiki’s Opinion: “Fans cheering stock graphs like it’s proof of Nintendo’s genius don’t get it. Stocks are vibes. They spike on hype, they dive on disappointment. Pretending that equals creative success? That’s delusion.” 🍪 Chip: holds up a chart, crumbles into pieces like the line going down.


⚖️ Patents, Mods, and Control

Nintendo insists mods “don’t count as games” as it fights Palworld in court. Pocketpair, Inc. cited mods like Pocket Souls for Dark Souls 3 as prior art, but Nintendo’s counter is clear: mods can’t exist without the original, so they don’t count.

Meanwhile, Nintendo keeps broadening patents. The most absurd: patenting mechanics for “ridable flying creatures.” That means any game letting you mount a dragon or bird could be walking into a lawsuit.

Meanwhile, Hoyoverse just revealed Hawkeye Nexus Anima, a flashy creature collector with mounts and flight. Patent experts already flagged it as “risk territory.” Unlike Pocketpair, HoYoverse has Tencent-level money to fight back. That battle could finally test if Nintendo’s patents can survive real pushback.

🦊 Kiki’s Opinion: “Nintendo didn’t invent monster riding. They didn’t invent creature battles. Yet they’re trying to legally wall off basic gameplay tropes. It’s not protection. It’s theft of the commons.” 🍪 Chip: slams a toy gavel, wig slides off, crumbs fly everywhere.


🔒 Ports and Bricks

USB-C was supposed to be universal. Nintendo thought otherwise.

  • Switch 2 ports are encrypted, blocking third-party docks and accessories. Nintendo claims it’s anti-piracy; in practice, it’s ecosystem lock-in.

  • Worse, Nintendo reserves the right to remotely brick your console if you “violate rules.” Brazil’s consumer watchdog even called this abusive and threatened legal action.

That means you spent $450 on hardware you don’t fully own. Nintendo holds the kill switch.

🦊 Kiki’s Opinion: “You bought a console. Nintendo sold you a rental with a hidden leash. They can nuke it from orbit whenever they like — and call it ‘protection.’” 🍪 Chip: tries plugging into a dock, gets zapped, curls into a burnt cookie.


💸 $120 Pokémon and the New Pricing Normal

Pokémon has become Nintendo’s clearest cash grab. To access all content in the new release:

  • $70 for the base game

  • $30 DLC (two Raichu megas)

  • $20 Nintendo Online subscription for ranked-only mega evolutions

That’s $120 minimum for a “complete” Pokémon.

At the same time, Nintendo quietly raised prices on old Switch models: the OLED jumped from $349 to $399, making it just $50 cheaper than the Switch 2. Add $80 as the “new normal” (Mario Kart World), and the message is clear: fans are being trained to pay luxury pricing for the same franchises.

🦊 Kiki’s Opinion: “Other devs launch masterpieces like Silksong for $20. Nintendo sells recycled content for $120 and dares to call it tradition. That’s not magic. That’s milking.” 🍪 Chip: clutches a $120 tag, faints face-first into milk.


🎮 Creative Decline: Metroid, Mario, Donkey Kong

Recent Nintendo Directs were meant to hype fans. Instead, they underlined creative decay:

  • Metroid Prime 4 was teased as open-world. Fans who waited 8 years wanted a sharp Metroid experience, not “Zelda with guns.”

  • Mario Kart World forces players into empty open-world lobbies. Players found a workaround to stick with traditional tracks — Nintendo patched it out.

  • Donkey Kong Bonanza DLC dropped weeks after launch. Its “roguelike” mode isn’t randomized, meaning runs are identical. That’s not roguelike; that’s lazy.

🦊 Kiki’s Opinion: “Breath of the Wild’s success turned Nintendo into an open-world factory. Now every franchise gets crammed into the same mold — even when it kills what made them special. That’s not innovation. It’s corporate cosplay.” 🍪 Chip: puts on a banana peel like a crown, shrugs sadly.


🦊 Kiki’s Final Rant

🦊 “Nintendo has become the EA of gaming — except worse. EA at least owns its villainy. Nintendo hides behind nostalgia, charging us more for less, bricking consoles, and suing competitors for daring to innovate. They don’t value players; they monetize them. And fans keep defending it because they grew up with Mario and Zelda. That’s not love. That’s Stockholm syndrome.”

🍪 Chip: nods gravely, then cracks his own cookie edge in protest.


✨ Final Bite

Nintendo’s stock might bounce back. Their games will still sell. But respect is harder to win back. Players aren’t asking for miracles — just complete, optimized, fairly priced games. Instead, Nintendo keeps prioritizing lawsuits, lock-ins, and endless monetization.

💌 Subscribe to our weekly newsletter for deeper dives.

🥛 And if you like our work, buy us a cup of milk to keep Game Cookies improving: ko-fi.com/gamecookies

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *